How To Torture Mello 4

A few days passed, Matt got over his “Like a Virgin” phase, and soon he was itching to prank Mello again.

So was Near.

He’d written so many ideas in that crazy little book, waited patiently, but Matt didn’t do anything. This frustrated the little sheepy someone, who nearly thwacked Matt on the head during lunch.

But he didn’t.

And it was a good thing that he was patient.

--

Mello yawned lazily, stretched, and looked over at Matt, who was lying on his back staring intently at the ceiling. “G’morning,” he slurred, trying to keep his eyes open.

“Mmmmhn.”

They laid in silence for a minute, then Roger’s cane gave a couple of sharp raps against the door. “WAKE UP! WAAAAKEEE UPPPPP!!” he yelled, and Matt and Mello simultaneously groaned.

“Remind me again what Roger always says?” asked Mello, pulling on a pair of black ripped jeans.

“It’s a new day-“ began Matt, pulling a striped shirt over his head.

“-Get up and face it,” they chorused, as they finished getting dressed.

Matt snapped his goggles on, waited for Mello to go outside to breakfast, and immediately ran over to his dresser, opened the drawer, and dug through a pile of socks till he found what he was looking for. A box of…well, let’s be blunt…condoms.

He cackled inwardly, then dug in his backpack and produced a couple packets of mayonnaise, which he proceeded to spray into the…things.

He threw the completed pranks over to Mello’s side, by his bed, then quickly re-hid the box and ran out the door, guffawing inwardly all the while.

--

Mello crunched his way through his toast contentedly, waiting for Matt to catch up. “Hey, where were you?” he asked the gamer, who plopped down beside him with a bunch of scrambled eggs.

“Baffroom,” he replied through an eggy mouthful.

Mello nodded, and redirected his attention to his toast.

Suddenly there was a clamor over by the door, and L came in, haggled by kids. “Aahhhh!! Please! Don’t do that! You’ll rip my-“

RIIIIP.

L’s shirt split in two, making all the kids around him instantly shut up.

Across the room, both Mello and Matt were holding in nosebleeds and blushes.

“…”

They shared a glance and got the heck out of there before anything else could happen.

--

Mello laid down on his bed, staring intently at the ceiling again. It seemed to have a very…relaxing effect… probably because Matt was in the bathroom and not near him, not able to embarrass him in any way, shape, or form. That purple hair dye had taken three showers in a row to wash out, and nearly all of Mello’s shampoo, which he’d discovered smelled suspiciously like cologne.

KNOCK.

Mello stood up. “Come in.”

And lo and behold, L himself came in, with a new pristine white shirt and his hair messy and kinda looking like a hedgehog.

Mello stepped back…and trod on something.

Something rubbery and squishy.

He looked down, and nearly screamed. There were…things…underneath his bed?! Who put them there?!

While Mello was busy having his mental breakdown, L was examining the Xbox that Matt had turned into a fishtank.

Ohmygodohmygod What am I gonna do…Where should I put them, I can’t just kick it under the bed…OH GOD! DAMN YOU MATT!! AHHHHH!!

He looked over at L quickly, and relieved that he wasn’t looking near him, quickly picked one of the…things…up and threw it quickly into the trashcan.

No reaction.

Mello nearly cheered with relief, but there was still another one on the floor. He picked it up…

…and L turned and caught sight of Mello, scared out of his mind, holding a mayonnaise-covered condom.

There was a silence.

“…Mello? What are you doing?”

Mello fell over in a dead faint.

“…”

“Oh dear.” L said, before quickly stealing the chocolate bar from off of Mello’s dresser.

--

Mello woke up in his room, in his bed, with a certain red-haired gamer staring at him with those green eyes.

His first thought was, Matt. Yay.

His second was, STRANGLE THE BASTARD!!

--

Near fell over laughing in the air vent, and couldn’t stop until his face turned red.

--

Matt sighed. Was this really fair punishment? No. But Mello with murder in his eyes wasn’t something anyone could comfortably negotiate with.

“More tea, please,” said the blonde, and Matt, in full French maid attire, rolled his eyes and poured him some from the teapot he’d been holding.

Mello was going to get it.

--

“G’morni-GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

Mello’s scream echoed through the entire building.

Watari, Roger, and L all came running, only to find Mello, paralyzed with fear under a huge clown face hanging over his bed.

“…”

--

The next day, Mello came back from a shower to find a huge puppy head on his bed, along with a note that said in an untidy scrawl, Wear me.

He rolled his eyes and went off to get his customary outfit.

And nearly cried, because it was gone. Again.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

--

Near caught sight of an irate Mello in a puppy mascot costume, and nearly fell over laughing.

He was able to restrain himself for only so long, though.

“GYA HA HAHAAH HAHAHAHAHA!!”

The sheep didn’t hear another kid say to the one beside him, “Is Near really laughing?”

“Yes.”

They looked back over their shoulders at the boy, who was still shaking with mirth.

“Scary…”

--

Matt was nearly strangled by a furry pair of arms that came down behind him. “Wha-?” he said, before they squeezed him in a viselike grip.

“Give me back my leather,” came Mello’s voice from above him.

“Wasn’t-me-let-go.” choked Matt.

“You swear on your DS?”

“Yeah. Let-go.”

Mello obliged, but spun him around and asked him, “Well then, who was it?”

“…Near.” replied the gamer, massaging his neck with a wince.

Mello grinned a grin that would make small children run for their mothers. “Near.”

--

So of course they had to formulate a plan against the small sheepy someone. A plan that involved much cackling, fake nose-bleeding, and a lot of sleep.

--

Near yawned widely, stretched, got up, and walked out of the playroom, down the stairs, over a couple corridors, and into his room.

It was pretty much barren, with just a few toys scattered on the soft shag carpet, a smallish bed, and a toy box. He crawled into his bed, and before five minutes passed, was deeply asleep.

Cunning eyes peeked under the door.

“He asleep?” asked Matt, quickly beginning to pick the lock on the door.

“Yeah. Sleeps like a little kid, though.”

“He is one.” With that, the door quietly opened, and Matt and Mello stole in.

“Shh…” said Mello, motioning for Matt to bring out the “Secret Weapon.”

Which was…

…a bra. To be precise, it was Lost’s, bright purple and lacy.

The blonde took down the covers, carefully unbuttoned Near’s pajama top, then took the bra from Matt and fastened it around Near’s slim chest. “Mission complete,” he whispered to Matt, who nodded as he re-buttoned the shirt.

They quietly stole out of the room, where the oblivious Near slept on.

--

Breakfast the next day was absolutely hilarious.

Near walked in, yawning and rubbing his eyes, with the purple bra showing through his pajamas and making several people run to the bathroom with chronic nosebleeds.

Including (and this really got on Mello’s nerves) Matt.

So of course he had to give Matt a nosebleed himself.

--

Near couldn’t understand why everyone was going to the bathroom holding their faces. He looked down…and…oh.

The purple-brassiered sheep blushed deeply, stammered a quick apology, and ran out of the dining room tearing off the bra.

Touché.

--

Mello hadn’t forgotten about Matt’s Near-induced nosebleed. So he lay in wait in his room…

--

Matt walked in, blinked, blinked some more, mumbled something, and ran out holding his face.

And Mello got up, licked the whipped cream off of his stomach, and put his shirt back on.

Mission accomplished.

--